F. I. T. I. S is back of course

Today I feel like writing in English because of reasons and I don't care if people can't read it I just need to write. This is for me.

One of the many many many many downsides of my illnesses is that sometimes I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable or if I have the right to be upset about something. I can't tell if someone is being selfish or they are just taking care of themselves.

And I can't ask. 

This sucks.

So I end up alone again with no one to talk (except for Fer, poor thing).

Sometimes I think "maybe if I make myself usefull for that person they will need me" because that's my life.

No one keeps me around because they like me or enjoy my company. They keep me around when and if they need me. Who cares what I need? I am the most insignificant person in the world.

But I'm done making myself useful to have some company. I am a useless piece of trash and if you like me deal with it. If you don't just please leave me alone. I'm tired of being needed and not liked. It's not because you found someone interesting and don't need me anymore that you will just walk away not caring at all about the fact that I also need you and like you. I won't walk away like you do if ever I don't need you because I also like you.

Again: how do I manage to be so insignificant? It's like people think "oh damn something is going wrong in my life, let me be friends with Mirane because her life sucks so badly that it makes me feel better" and then when they're good "bye I don't need you anymore".

What about me?

What about me?

I guess I just don't matter at all.